The Socialist Republic of Longdendale is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Longdendale Bauheim with an iron fist, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, fear of technology, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 15.591 billion Longdendaleans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tintwistle. The average income tax rate is 98.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Longdendalean economy, worth a remarkable 2,637 trillion Bottle Caps a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an impressive 169,195 Bottle Caps, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Weather advisories predict sunshine with a chance of spontaneously combusting spacecraft, children are regularly married to each other to secure alliances between families, the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long, and summer science camps are regularly raided by narcotics police. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Longdendale's national animal is the Death Claw, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Spud.

Longdendale is ranked 290,569^th in the world and 429^th in United Kingdom for Nicest Citizens, with 0.19 average smiles per day.