The Tripartite Archduchy of The North Polish Union is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Marszałek Polski Józef Klemens Piłsudski with an even hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, frequent executions, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, devout population of 11.897 billion Poles are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Spirituality, although Law & Order, Environment, and Education are also considered important, while Defense and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gdańsk. The average income tax rate is 39.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Polish economy, worth 400 trillion n00bs a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 33,704 n00bs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Most people suffer from some form of hearing loss, prime picnicking sites are being paved over in the name of progress, the people are famous throughout the region for their bleached-white teeth, and Marszałek Polski Józef Klemens Piłsudski is plotting to coup the Pacific (The North Polish Union has found 1 easter egg). Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The North Polish Union's national animal is the Elf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Catholicism.

The North Polish Union is ranked 16,858^th in the world and 3^rd in Slavia for Nicest Citizens, with 24.52 average smiles per day.