The Kingdom of PlanetMercury is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Freddie Mercury with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, aversion to nipples, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 9.088 billion PlanetMercuries are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kensington. The average income tax rate is 76.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient PlanetMercuryian economy, worth a remarkable 3,102 trillion pounds a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 341,360 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

On graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons, single celebrities have to repeatedly prove their chastity to avoid being married off to infatuated fans, the well-to-do in The North Pacific are never on time for important appointments, and Freddie Mercury's latest speech included a bizarre reference to MaxWow incontinence pads being 50% more absorbent than the next leading brand. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. PlanetMercury's national animal is the Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

PlanetMercury is ranked 283,619^th in the world and 6,239^th in The North Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 19.34 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.