The Retired Crazy Old Man of Rebel-topia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Jason Dowling with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, public floggings, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 24.943 billion Rebel-topians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Warner. The average income tax rate is 97.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Rebel-topian economy, worth a remarkable 3,275 trillion Deutschy-Markies a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 131,330 Deutschy-Markies, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Big Brother is still watching even when your big brother is dead, rebuilding efforts for a recently destroyed cathedral aren't expected to be completed for another century, almost all products in Rebel-topia are hand-crafted due to strict employment laws, and the government's giant servers are often used as a tourist trap. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Rebel-topia's national animal is the Cow, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Yay For Cake.

Rebel-topia is ranked 255,820^th in the world and 4,636^th in the South Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -7.27 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.