The Tearful Queendom of Conjunktivitis is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Her Royal Highness Queen Rosa with an iron fist, and remarkable for its state-planned economy, hatred of cheese, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 32.679 billion Conjunktivitisites are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Environment, Education, and Social Policy. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ojo Rosado. The average income tax rate is 99.3%.

The enormous but inefficient Conjunktivitisian economy, worth a remarkable 3,233 trillion junks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 98,935 junks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

An opal a day keeps the negative thoughts at bay, hypochondriacs demand treatment for genetic disorders they don't have, dogs are encouraged to confront the psychodynamic roots of their desire to be "good boys", and fireworks and other big bangs are forbidden during the newest public holiday. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Conjunktivitis's national animal is the wombat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is PinkEyezism.

Conjunktivitis is ranked 5,439^th in the world and 1^st in A More Peaceful World for Highest Food Quality, scoring 201.03 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.