The Constitutional Monarchy of El-Ionia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Higness Konstantinos Katakouzinos with an iron fist, and notable for its fear of technology, ubiquitous missile silos, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.053 billion El-Ionians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Athena. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 89.7%.

The frighteningly efficient El-Ionian economy, worth a remarkable 1,347 trillion Gulls a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 148,813 Gulls, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 436,649 per year while the poor average 39,979, a ratio of 10.9 to 1.

The seventh son of a seventh son is fated to be a millionaire, the optimally efficient parking strategy for business commuters is referred to as the "traveling salesman problem", schoolkids are often mistaken for fast food workers, and if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it... El-Ionian satellites can detect it. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. El-Ionia's national animal is the Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is ☦ Greek Christian Orthodox ☦.

El-Ionia is ranked 43,283^rd in the world and 37^th in Geopolity for Safest, scoring 104.83 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.