The Federal Republic of Schnarchi is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Fluffy Longbottom with a fair hand, and renowned for its public floggings, hatred of cheese, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 23.531 billion Schnarchians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cruzo City. The average income tax rate is 79.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Schnarchian economy, worth a remarkable 2,094 trillion Feeps a year, is highly specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 88,999 Feeps, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A government program is underway to revitalize Schnarchi's beaches, the mob and the police have recently had numerous clashes in the back alleys of Schnarchi's cities due to the government's steadfast anti-casino stance, the government is giving peace a chance, and late night adverts for breast milk co-ops regularly win pornography industry awards. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Schnarchi's national animal is the Bearded Dragon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Pastafarianism.

Schnarchi is ranked 255,263^rd in the world and 5,518^th in The North Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 1.56 flags saluted per person per day.