The New Republic of Old Sarn is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Siggy Sarn with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, restrictive gun laws, and suspicion of poets. The cynical population of 25.368 billion Old Sarnians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, although Industry and Defense are also considered important, while Welfare and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Old Town. The average income tax rate is 28.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Old Sarnian economy, worth 503 trillion Sarns a year, is highly specialized and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Cheese Exports, and Soda Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 19,861 Sarns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The right to free speech is being drastically curtailed, the police force is on a recruitment drive, Old Sarn has designated Old Town as its capital city, and Siggy Sarn has just been declared ruler of Old Sarn in an international press conference. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Old Sarn's national animal is the bull, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Old Sarn is ranked 236,293^rd in the world and 8^th in USN for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring -4.75 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.