The Protectorate of Paffnicard 5 is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Aleksandar Vekili with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, ritual sacrifices, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 8.158 billion Paffniacs are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Skoptopolis. The average income tax rate is 69.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Paffniac economy, worth a remarkable 1,060 trillion banks a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 130,022 banks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.9 times as much as the poorest.

Catherine Gratwick's campaign support is considered seminal, metal detectors at school gates make sure that teenagers are carrying at least one sidearm, politicians are forced to wear portable lie detectors at all times, and Aleksandar Vekili has been seen stealthily slicing fifths off bread loaves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paffnicard 5's national animal is the card, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is card farming.

Paffnicard 5 is ranked 33,685^th in the world and 11^th in 10KI Card Farm for Highest Food Quality, scoring 53.93 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.