The Malo Sa'oloto Tuto'atasi of Tongatapu is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Fa'a Samoa with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, infamous sell-swords, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 43.609 billion Tongatapuans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Apia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 54.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Tongatapuan economy, worth a remarkable 7,133 trillion tala a year, is led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 163,568 tala, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 492,176 per year while the poor average 42,406, a ratio of 11.6 to 1.

Orange trees find it's not easy being green, the fines for getting caught with the wrong recipe book can force Tongatapuans into bankruptcy, anyone dissenting from the state ideology is declared "mentally ill" and whisked away in a straitjacket, and posing for pictures is an integral part of military training. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tongatapu's national animal is the porpoise, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Bell of the compressed gas cylinder.

Tongatapu is ranked 8,380^th in the world and 1^st in United Nations for Most Corrupt Governments, with 170.96 kickbacks per hour.