The Couch-dwelling Doldrums of Torpidity is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The Dude with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, vat-grown people, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, humorless population of 30.591 billion Torpitians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small, corrupt, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Healthcare, Administration, and Industry also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Slum. The average income tax rate is 95.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Torpid economy, worth an astonishing 30,075 trillion mighty beans a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 983,158 mighty beans, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Daring to agree with another politician is grounds for instant dismissal, the Smalltopian embassy doubles as an electoral campaign headquarters, Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping, and the nation's most "productive" diamond mine hasn't been operational for seven months. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Torpidity's national animal is the squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Torpidity is ranked 462^nd in the world and 1^st in Bree for Highest Food Quality, scoring 449.75 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.