The Couch-dwelling Doldrums of Torpidity is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Dude with an even hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, humorless population of 32.116 billion Torpitians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small, corrupt, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, although Administration, Healthcare, and Industry are also considered important, while Defense and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Slum. The average income tax rate is 97.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Torpid economy, worth an astonishing 33,158 trillion mighty beans a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 1,032,462 mighty beans, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

People stand their fridges back-to-front to benefit from the free heating, geosynchronous satellites are now manned by unpaid interns, onions have been banned due to their tendency to cause eye irritation, and government employees from Torpidity dominate international lumberjack competitions. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Torpidity's national animal is the squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Apatheism.

Torpidity is ranked 270^th in the world and 1^st in Bree for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 35,460.17 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.