The Crashed Spaceship of Totally Not Salaxalans is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Svlad Cjelli with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, national health service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 21.313 billion Salaxians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rime. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 77.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Salaxalansian economy, worth a remarkable 1,745 trillion Dirks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 81,919 Dirks, with the richest citizens earning 7.4 times as much as the poorest.

Pro-democracy protesters are shot on sight by state police, the end of autumn is celebrated with a bonfire of designer bags, families must live in a village for a century before they get any say in how it runs, and the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Totally Not Salaxalans's national animal is the Electric Monk, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Chronology.

Totally Not Salaxalans is ranked 262,598^th in the world and 110^th in Spiritus for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -8.33 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.