The United States of Weitzel is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Der Kommissar with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, frequent executions, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 46.138 billion Weitzelese are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Industry, and Administration also on the agenda, while Social Policy and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Smallville. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Weitzelian economy, worth a remarkable 9,916 trillion Smelly Farts a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 214,921 Smelly Farts, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 816,947 per year while the poor average 39,206, a ratio of 20.8 to 1.

Citizens praise the weeds that overwhelm their narrow vegetable realm, captains must wait until all rats are safe before jumping ship, childhood friends of Der Kommissar are living it large abroad at the taxpayers' expense, and pre-takeoff checks last longer than the flights themselves. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Weitzel's national animal is the duckbilled platypus, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Weitzel is ranked 272,048^th in the world and 1^st in EWU for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -10.49 on the Clooney Contribution Index.