The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, infamous sell-swords, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.974 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while Education and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 14,171 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 675,689 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

There has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees, the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources, military spending recently hit a new high, and the police crack down on tax evaders without mercy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 305,139^th in the world and 35^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Highest Disposable Incomes, with zero Standard Monetary Units.