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hello i finally managed the courage to say hello
so hello

Okay, so I'll write my RMB today
Yesterday I got a bit busy

Tokyo Mailman (Translated) ("Corrected" by Government Media Administration of Nihon)

Tales of Torture

This story is a complicated one. Let us begin.
Last night, Our Great Minister Adachihara, spoke a grim speech about the situation in China:

"Not long ago, a court case was held in China. The Koumingtan brutally interrogated innocent Nihoners, who were framed as witnesses and perpetrators in a manufactured hoax.
Despite how gruesome this may sound, it is impossible to simply 'convince' someone of spouting lies. You must break their will first.
Nihon would never meddle in a referendum, and this is clearly China's way of distracting us from the situation in Taiwan.
If we analyze the court case minute by minute, we notice the following:

- The defendants look nervous and sweaty. The Nihoners look as if they were mentally broken to the point of no escape.
- The prosecutor proceeds to speak perfectly calmly, as if reading off a very well prepared script. Scripts are fine, but it seems as if the court case took a tedious amount of effort. Of course, the mental status of the person he is questioning side put him off, so he is forced to improvise. This is barely noticeable, as he is a professional
- The Nihoner being questioned cant make himself answer. Its as if he is a shell of his former self. Its as if he has been beaten to the point of losing his will to live. Whatever gruesome events happened to prepare the man for the interview has left more of a mark then it intended.
- The prosecutor once again asks a question calmly, in a very prepared way, as if the whole thing was set up to have certain events play out in advance, to a "Agent Yokoyama"
- This "Yokoyama" man answers although struggling a lot. Its as if he is attempting to keep his sanity after what happened to him beforehand, but is failing. He attempts to go along with the staged event, but struggles
- The prosecutor asks the question that was prepared in the staged event
- This Yokoyama man finally breaks. His sanity collapses and he loses his mind. The horrors they probably had to do to break his will and force him to go along with the fraud end up sinking deeper then the Koumingtan expected. He begins to act in a insane way.
- Subconciously encouraged by their fellow tortured Nihoner, they begin to all break down and lose their mind. They have all given up hope.
- The judge acts shocked, as this clearly wasnt part of the plan. The court is adjourned.

The situation is clear. In order to retain Taiwan, China has been torturing innocent civilians, specifically Nihoners, as a twisted way of creating a fake scandal that distracts us from Taiwan and justifies allowing Taiwan to remain within China.
The Chinese government is disgusting and will do anything to retain its power. Their true light has been shown. What happened in their court clearly wasnt part of the plan.
The evil Koumintang have been, which is quite obvious now, inflicting twisted acts of torture among innocent civilians in the name of their ideology.
These are innocent Nihoners. Innocent people of the nation of Nihon.
Nihon will NOT tolerate this. We will not allow our people to be tortured and humiliated. This is sick and immoral!
We are putting our army on full alert on the borders, and we will begin mobilizing our airforce and navy aswell.

Nihon demands that China cease their disgusting and immoral actions before they face the consequences, and allow Taiwan to be free"

Goodnight Nihon.
May god bless us all, and may prosperity come to us all

Other News:

Leviathan Project Finished

Famous Homeless Man goes missing, public shocked

Nihon begins funding Conspiracy Theory websites

Xinhua News
The Truth Will Set You Free

Nihoner Witnesses Die, Autopsy Ordered
Out of the Nihoner witnesses that were sent to the hospital, one died in intensive care and one is in a coma. The others are reported to be stable and are being kept on psychiatric watch. The one that died was immediately sent away for an autopsy as foul play was immediately suspected. The preliminary reports do not show any trauma from physical attacks but the brain is severely damaged. One doctor described the brain as "looking like a rotten block of Swiss Cheese. Full of holes and in such a poor state of damage".

Blood, urine, saliva, skin tissue, organ tissue and fecal samples were taken to be examined for possible poisoning. All the survivors and the comatose gave blood and urine samples for examination. Interviews were attempted with the stable witnesses but they were incoherent. Doctors suspect brain damage and they will be evaluated by a neurologist.

Mongolia Standoff Intensifies
More police have been sent to liquidate the house. The Mayor of Ulaanbaatar has ordered "We're going to drag RSAL out by the backs of their necks. No question about that"

Ok we can see a police chaplain going up to the window to attempt to negotiate their surrender

*The chaplain walks away after a few minutes, shaking his head in frustration as he speaks with the police captain*

Ok it seems that failed. We can see the captain getting on a bullhorn

"Attention all RSAL terrorists in the house. We are going to pump tear gas and water cannons on you. It is not lethal but will really hurt. Comply now and we won't"

*A minute passes*

"Your choice"

*Police toss two canisters of tear gas into the house and open up with water cannons. Police are just standing in defensive positions with their rifles, shotguns and handguns drawn

After a few minutes, shoots ring out from inside the house. A police officer is hit in the head and falls dead. Three others nearby are hit in the stomach and fall*

Four officers have been hit, one isn't moving

*The police all return fire. An armored truck pulls up with siren wailing. Officers jump out and retrieve their fallen officers and open fire into the house. Police and journalists take cover with police returning fire. The shootout lasts for a brief few minutes but is feels like hours to those on the ground*

*RSAL terrorists come out with their hands up and are immediately detained by police. One comes out without his hands up. He has a gun in his jeans*

It looks like he's surrendering but we can't see. Police are surrounding him and telling him to stop.

*The man stops and puts his hands behind his head. A group of enraged officers pull him up by his hair and lead him away. He starts thrashing so they throw him down and brawl breaks out. They quickly get him on the ground and start kicking and punching him*

They're hitting him on the head... kicking him on the head!?

*Their captain runs over and orders them to stop. The thug is pulled up and thrown in the back of a police van. More RSAL are detained, mostly young to middle aged adults but some look to be high school aged*

We're going to continue covering this event but it looks like it's been broken up albeit violently.

THE EPHYRAL MESSENGER | Printed 15th October 2031




Foreign feminists clash with Ephyral wives...

A non-physical altercation was dispersed by local police last night in the citizen-colony of Nerapis, Italia province. Around a dozen or so women of federate status, believed to be Italians, set up a protest in the forum marketplace of the city regarding the state of "women's rights" in the Freehold. Displaying signs of various messages including a demand for female suffrage, and criticism of the alleged "toxic masculinity" of Ephyral culture, the group were broadly ignored by citizens and federates both until one of the group approached an Ephyral woman and asked her what she thought of the "unfair and discriminatory" refusal of voting rights to women. The altercation started however when the citizen woman reacted with contempt to this accusation, allegedly retorting in the form of "the only woman who demands the right to vote is one so unattractive in character to a man she's trying to become one."

The dispute attracted a number of other citizen women, primarily married, who verbally engaged with the protesters for about fifteen minutes. Some were retrieved by their husbands, whilst others remained until local police officers, alerted by the disturbance, arrived to try and prevent the situation from escalating. It was heard that as one citizen woman departed, she shouted over her shoulder, "you [expletive] need a good [expletive]". The protesters were further inflamed as some citizen men arrived on the scene also, attempting to 'pick up' some of them.

Police dispersed the event without making any arrests, but issuing warnings to the protesters that they should "go and leave the politics to their husbands", as well as advising the citizen women to return to their daily business.




Ephyral man hospitalised in Nuak...

Local news in the kingdom of Nuak made its way to the Freehold today that an Ephyral tourist has been hospitalised after being shot in the Nuakian capital of Hurlante by a local. The man, who has not been named, is understood to have been in the kingdom with a group of friends, who when questioned revealed the context to the incident. The now injured man expressed an intent to recreate in Nuak the rites of the Purification festival, a post-classical fusion of ancient Selian and Roman rites that aimed to purge excesses and purify the state. Such rites, for our foreign readers, involve sacrifice to the god Purifier (English translation) and the goddess Rhea, queen of the gods, but most infamously, a fertility rite to bring new life in which male youths of cities, towns, and villages ritually assist fertile women by striking them in a state of partial undress. Typically, a light form of whip is used for this, and Rhea in her role as the goddess of motherhood will bless these women with fertility.

In the absence of such tools, it is understood that the Ephyral citizen, whilst in one of Hurlante's public squares, decided to similarly bless the local Nuakian women with an imitation of the ritual, expressing a wish to strike their rear ends and handle their chests. Upon smacking the first Nuakian woman he came across however, the recipient of this ritual turned with a handgun pulled and fired a single shot into his shoulder.

The Ephyral foreign affairs department released a statement confirming that relevant authorities in both sides had been made aware of the situation, and that the tourist will be repatriated having undergone "sufficient punishment". The same statement also advised Ephyral visiting other countries to observe the customs and laws of their hosts, and not to imitate culturally nuanced practises in Ephyra within those countries.

The Nuakian Report
The Citizen's Light Within the Darkness


Mysterious Programs Leaked to the Public
Late last night, an anonymous source within the Nuakian Government leaked a classified document titled from the start of Reĝino Kastilo Shepherd's rule in late 2019. In the unredacted notes from the document, it contained notes of three secret projects administered by an unknown part of the government. While the Nuakian Government hasn't commented, a Federal Transparency Report was filed to the Supreme Court of Nuak to obtain more information

The names of the Projects are revealed to be
Projekto Nordaj Lumoj "Project Northern Lights"
Projekto Samariano "Project Samaritan"
Projekto Veluro "Project Velvet"

Further updates to the case will be posted as they are discovered

Estro Majoro Powers & Reĝino Shepherd Make Joint Press Conference
The two Executives made a rare joint appearance after the incident in Hurlante's Royal Park, in which an unnamed Ephyral citizen smacked Estro Majoro Power's ass, causing a retaliation in which the unnamed Ephyral citizen was shot in the shoulder.

"While we deeply regret what happened today... He had it coming" Estro Majoro Powers was quoted saying, to the visual frustration of the Reĝino.

"What she meant to say, is that while we respect that traditions outside of Nuak are different than our own, we do not recommend acting upon them within our borders without the consent and knowledge of participants. We truly are sorry to the young man who was shot, and are working with the Eyphral Government with paying off their medical bills. Thank you for your time"

Diplomatic Trips
In what seemed a coordinated landing, all parties landing in their receiving countries. The results of their first days and reception will be known shortly


Ephyral Culture Clashes with Foreign Crowds (More on Page 2)
"Honestly...I'm still laughing from Glacia's enounter" Says an unnamed Nuakian citizen

China in Chaos (More on Page 3)
"I am worried about our reps now" Says another unnamed Nuakian citizen

Nihon Alleges Torture (More on Page 4)
"So at what point will this go to assassination allegations occur from China?" Says on Nuakian living in an APS Nation

Xinhua News
The Truth Will Set You Free

Autopsy Results
A shocking revelation was revealed by the doctors conducting the autopsy of the deceased Nihon witness. A toxic poison was found in the blood stream and in the brain tissue of the deceased. The poison was a mixing of Iodomethane and an unidentified chemical that looks to be comptely at synthetic. Immediately, the two survivors were given a second round of poison treatment that included a round of diuretics, water, laxatives and milk in an attempt to flush the body and to dilute the poison. The kidneys of the survivors are functioning properly. A series of fMRIs show damage to the brains with a chance of therapy improving their states if done immediately.

The Attorney General immediately called the jail they were held at into question with possible foul play by the staff. No foul play was suspected by officers. Security footage was examined for foul play by visitors with one visitor slipping something into the drinks

*plays footage of a Nihoner woman slipping a chemical that looks like water into the sodas of the witnesses when they are away for a moment*

The Federal Police have asked locals and foreign nations to contact the police if they have seen this woman and to please extradite her to China so she can face questioning.

KGB in Mongolia?
After the shoot out in Ulaanbaatar a few days ago, one inmate dropped a bombshell. The young lady that we will name Zhou to protect her identity revealed that the Soviet KGB were funding and possibly training RSAL. She revealed money transactions and even weapon drops at the border. She further stated how some of the RSAL elites, the so called "Inner Circle" would sometimes go on holiday to Moscow to receive funds. She stated her job was to manage the Mongolian wing. She revealed names of more higher ups that have lead to police raids across China. Upon being asked why the USSR was funding them, she said
"To cause a major disruption to China. This is no coincidence that you are being attacked by them.They seek to divide your nation because they have failed where China has succeeded. They have you by the balls and they want more. They won't give up until one side is crushed. The Soviets are cunning snakes, more deadly than the paper tiger that is Nihon"

President Ma ordered all contact with Moscow to be terminated until they cease their meddling. He said embargoes are a possibility as well as issuing arrest warrants for any Russian operatives on grounds of espionage and intention to cause unrest.

Est. 1927


The Far East Crisis continues!

Tensions between the Kuomitang and the Nihonese Empire are at an all-time high in the last few decades, as the Chinese authorities continue to uncover attempted Nihonese sabotage on the Taiwanese Referendum. The reason for this sabotage has been theorised by many to be another attempt by the Nihonese to conquer the heavily-populated, wealthy and strategically-positioned island.

Attempts by the Social Democrats and their allies to issue an official condemnation to Nihon for interfering with the referendum, or by far right parties unaligned with the Conservative government to do the same for the Kuomitang for tainting the process in their favour, have both been rejected by parliament.

The Egyptian government has confirmed that it is following the recent developents in Taiwan with "great concern", due to the potential cost in both lives and to international trade that a war in the Far East would incur, and offered to mediate through emergency channels if the situation required it.


1. Informative Piece: What is an Ephyral Purifying Ritual?

2. "Nihon, the greatest threat to world peace?", by Grégoire Poitou.

3. Fact Check: Are the local Egyptian authorities in South Sudan turning a blind eye to clandestine slave trade with Ephyrals? False. "Communist lies", confirms Prime Minister Lucien Hajjar. Minister of Defence Hans Joseph Schmidt unavailable for comment.

4. Radames Rosier, better known as "Lord Anubis" by the internet after beating up would-be assailants in a jackal fursuit, speaks up against the government's recent rejection of the Egalitarian Marriage Bill.

5. Crown Prince François-Ferdinand set to make a full recovery.

Est. 1927


Princos reach Alexandria!

"In a world where many live in fear under the rule of tyrants and despots. It is rare to find a nation that so closely matches our views in constitutional monarchism, democracy and freedom. This visit shows that, despite the scars we bear from the fascistic tyranny of the so-called Lord Regent, and the chaos that was restoring peace to the country after the tyrant's fall, we are finally headed in the right direction."

Princo Raolisto Shepherd & Princo Kupro Shepherd from Nuak have recently reached the Egyptian Capital of Alexandria, where they were given a full state reception, and warmly welcomed by citizens of Egypt from both sides of the political spectrum. The visit will include highlights such as a state dinner with the Princos as the guests of honour, a tour to the landmarks of the country, and a visit to the nation's Parliament, where the Princo is expected to give a speech.

This marks a high point for the diplomatic relations between the two nations, after the two-decades long dictatorial rule that ended in in 2001 with the ascension of Queen Yasmin II, the following bloodless coup that led to the deposition of the Lord-Regent, and the restoration of parliamentary democracy in the country.

Xinhua News
The Truth Will Set You Free

Nuakian Vistiors
The Secretary of Foreign Affairs from Nuak visited China earlier this week with a team of dignitaries. They met with President Ma Ying-jeou, Prime Minister Xi Jiping, Minister of Foreign Affairs Cai Xong and the Dalai Lama. The entourage visited the new Nuakian embassy in Beijing. The group discussed further affairs over lunch at the Gùgōng or "The Forbidden City" in the Palace of Heavenly Purity. Afterwards they paid a visit to cultural sites in the Beijing area.They visited the states of Tibet and Hong Kong. The original plan to visit Taiwan was canceled due to security concerns with the recent unrest due to the election rigging. With the Ghost Festival being celebrated in China, the Nuakian dignitaries took part in the festivities by offering ghost money to the spirits of ancestors. The atmosphere between the two parties was positive and welcoming.

Ghost Festival
The Ghost Festival opened in the Temple of Heaven in Beijing. The Lamas and High Priests of the Tian Dao faith assembled at the Circular Altar Mound to "Open The Gates of Hell". The ritual involved a large bon fire with offerings and chants to welcome the ghosts into the mortal world. Offerings of food, beer, incense and ghost money were burned at the altar and at local shrines. Petitions were given to the ghosts from asking their blessings to even cursing Nihon and the USSR. Some rumors have circulated that curses were uttered at the ceremony to destroy Nihon and the USSR but these have not been confirmed nor denied by the priests. The Nuakian team was present at the opening ceremony and were welcomed by the priests and by locals. Ghost Month celebrates the opening of the gates between the human world and spirit world for an entire month to receive food and bestow blessings on the Chinese people. The overall environment is described by tourists and locals as "mysterious, superstitious yet upbeat".

Nihoner Witness Surivives Coma
An almost miraculous recovery was observed by doctors today. The Nihoner witness that was in a coma woke up today and immediately started shouting at doctors in broken English. He was immediately assessed by a Neurologist and Toxicologist. Despite having been poisoned, the damage was not as severe in the other witnesses and is thought to be reversible with therapy. He was deemed to be coherent but in a state of intense panic. Detectives from the National Police interviewed him where he spoke of "seeing ghosts" and "they poisoned us". The witness did not give names and was allowed to rest under police watch due to fear of a second attempt at his life. The other two survivors started physical therapy with both starting to recover. One is reported to be seriously depressed and under psychiatric watch due to fear she may harm herself.

The Midnight Star

The Sino-Ascoobian Alliance

Cotemporary to the Japanese-influenced Taiwan riots, Nordamy and Ascoobian leadership attended a summit in Honolulu to renegotiate trade relations. The aftermath of careful negotiations has resulted in an expansion of the document beyond simply economic concerns, the legislation most relevant to current events that recently ratified was the formation of the Sino-Ascoobian Defense Pact as a stalwart against Nihon aggression. In accordance with this pact and the impending threat, Ascoobian Air Force Squadrons are to be positioned on the Chinese Mainland and Ascoobian Naval Bases in the Pacific are now open to the Chinese Navy. Further cooperation may be negotiated as the border crisis with Nihon unfolds.

In this unprecedented move, Ascoobis' Stratocratic People's Council appears to be diverging from their Anti-NATO stance to face a greater threat. Only time will tell if tensions will return or if this is the beginning of detente, the first sign of reconciliation after the CIA-sponsored 1976 Coup.

Slaying Leviathan

Ascoobis has placed extreme economic sanctions on the Lietoviekii Regime following subversive activities in the Chinese province of Taiwan. Furthermore, Ascoobis calls for the dismantling of Project Leviathan. Failure to do so could potentially be deemed a crime against humanity. Ascoobis requests international cooperation to press put pressure on the Nihon Regime, arguing the moral, ecological, and economic implications of the seizing and mining of the Western Pacific. Specifically, the cutting off, diverting, and even mining trans-Pacific trade routes. Director of Economics Joe Ross is believed to have put it best:

"The World must back the dismantling of Nihonese Leviathan. World trade and merchant lives are at stake. Any ship in the Pacific is in danger, even crossing international waters. May it be a foreign warship, fishing trawler, supertanker, or a Panamax. Intentions of a ship are irrelevant. Mines don't discriminate, they just simply detonate."

Project Amphrite

One of the main points of contention with the Cerman and Washintonian nations, which Ascoobis shares the continent with, is the control of water sources in the North American Southwest, particularly rivers, aquifers, and lakes. That age-old debate maybe soon left in the past. After more than a decade of construction and the equivalent of $50 Billion USD of investment, the "Final Solution" to Ascoobis' water needs is ready for the initial stages of activation. Offshore pipelines will deliver over a billion gallons of water a day to the Long Beach Desalination Complex, the largest of its kind in the world as only the first step in Project Amphitrite. 40-50 such plants are planned along the Ascoobian Pacific Coast over the next ten years to greatly reduce dependency on inland sources, many under the control of the Cerman or Washintonian Governments, which risk contamination with the so-called "Cerman Water".

In Other News:

  • The "Slapass Challenge" has become a popular sensation among Selian Media and citizens of The Land of the Ephyral traveling abroad which involves coming behind and slapping foreign women. The most notable incident involving Her Majesty Estro Majoro Powers of Nuak. An Ascoobian Press report reminds the public that such an act is considered physical assault and perpetrating foreigners face imprisonment and rehabilitation.

  • A Nazi-Era Tiger I Tank was re-discovered outside Phoenix last Thursday, a reminder of neutral Ascoobis' dark dealings with the Nazi Regime in the mid-'40s before heroically joining the Allies in 1943. The recovered 55-ton vehicle was smuggled past the Wash-Cerm blockade and into Ascoobis in 1942 and lost in a sandstorm the following year while undergoing trials. A legal battle is waging between the ASPC and the Munster Panzermueseum over custody, both claiming that the rare relic is a vital part of their own country's history.

  • With Ascoobis declaring that it has "burned" the last of its 20th Century nuclear waste, the last Fast Burner Nuclear Reactor in Ascoobis begins the process of decommissioning.

  • Ascoobian State-controlled electronics giant, Asilicon, states that tensions between China and Nihon may result in reduced production due to delays in raw material deliveries from Chinese sources unless a suitable alternative source is found.

  • This morning EgyptAir Boeing 797-9 makes a crash landing on the tarmac of Darkmount International Airport after failing to extend its landing gear. No fatalities have been reported. Ascoobian Intelligence authorities have been dispatched with Egyptian and Boeing representatives to investigate the matter. It is said that while technical malfunction is assumed, foul-play has not been ruled out. Paglaum has many enemies.

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