by Max Barry

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The Ongoing State of Absentia

“We Are A Bush. Move Along.”

Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy
Civil Rights:
Very Good
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Average

Regional Influence: Hermit

Location: CDW Federation

OverviewFactbookDispatchesPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Absentia

Population39.275 billion

CapitalThe Middle of Nowhere
Leaderyouse

Currencyerg
Animalcambot

The Ongoing State of Absentia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by youse with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, soft-spoken computers, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 39.275 billion Absentians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The tiny, corrupt government prioritizes Education, with Administration, Industry, and Environment also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Middle of Nowhere. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Absentian economy, worth an astonishing 20,967 trillion ergs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Tourism, Book Publishing, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 533,872 ergs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

One tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber, the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks", school football matches are usually five-a-side, and stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence. Crime is totally unknown. Absentia's national animal is the cambot, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Absentia is ranked 150,599th in the world and 1st in CDW Federation for Largest Basket Weaving Sector, scoring 430.66 on the Hickory Productivity Index.

Top
1%
Most Secular: 1stMost Scientifically Advanced: 2ndLargest Information Technology Sector: 3rdSmartest Citizens: 10thHighest Economic Output: 73rdHighest Disposable Incomes: 83rdHighest Poor Incomes: 97thHealthiest Citizens: 113thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 154thMost Developed: 167thLongest Average Lifespans: 187thLargest Populations: 225thHighest Average Incomes: 229thMost Inclusive: 299thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 311thHighest Workforce Participation Rate: 356thRudest Citizens: 480thLargest Publishing Industry: 505thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 521stMost Rebellious Youth: 596thMost Beautiful Environments: 736thLargest Black Market: 824thMost Efficient Economies: 849thMost Stationary: 1,127thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 1,369thLargest Retail Industry: 1,399thMost Valuable International Artwork: 1,709thTop
5%
Largest Mining Sector: 2,518thLargest Governments: 3,139thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 3,433rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 3,976thMost Cultured: 5,416thMost Influential: 8,500thMost Advanced Public Education: 8,672ndTop
10%
Most Subsidized Industry: 15,321stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 16,582ndHighest Drug Use: 18,652ndMost Advanced Public Transport: 22,411thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 22,978th

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, stealing from a clothesline is a serious offence.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, school football matches are usually five-a-side.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, the military refers to helpless combatants offering surrender as "sitting ducks".
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, you're never too young to learn how to lie with confidence.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, many friends and relatives of youse have been given ambassador jobs in tropical island nations.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, Youse's told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, nine out of ten citizens of Absentia answered 'nuclear safety inspector' when asked their occupation.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, 'The Anti-Government Hour' is a popular programme on many of Absentia's radio stations.
  • : Following new legislation in Absentia, signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles.

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