The Unironic Monarchist of Depressive-State is a huge, orderly nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, avowedly heterosexual populace, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 697 million Depressive-Stateans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Administration also on the agenda, while Environment and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of VoxTek Enterprises. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 44.2%.

The powerhouse Depressive-Statean economy, worth 69.6 trillion Whiskey Bottles a year, is mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is 99,853 Whiskey Bottles, with the richest citizens earning 5.4 times as much as the poorest.

The government is attempting to revitalize a gutted private sector, phenotypic plasticity is a struggle for sealife in polluted waters, citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months, and no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Depressive-State's national animal is the Anti-Monarchist, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Depressive-State is ranked 17,363^rd in the world and 479^th in The North Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 50.65 flags saluted per person per day.