by Max Barry

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The Helpdesk of Avalnier

“I think, therefor I can build big guns to shoot you.”

Category: Iron Fist Consumerists
Civil Rights:
Political Freedoms:

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: Lazarus

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendNuke ControlCards


Population18.964 billion

LeaderBobo The Omniscient Chaos Overlord
FaithThe Holy haberdashery of Batman

CurrencyChocolate Chip Pancake
AnimalBig Bird

The Helpdesk of Avalnier is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Bobo The Omniscient Chaos Overlord with an iron fist, and notable for its digital currency, otherworldly petting zoo, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 18.964 billion Avalnierians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Fuzzybottom. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 46.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Avalnierian economy, worth a remarkable 9,612 trillion Chocolate Chip Pancakes a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Retail. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 506,876 Chocolate Chip Pancakes, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,648,787 per year while the poor average 117,402, a ratio of 14.0 to 1.

Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Avalnier, teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house, credit scores fluctuate wildly with every change of government, and citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Avalnier's national animal is the Big Bird, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is The Holy haberdashery of Batman.

Avalnier is ranked 7,189th in the world and 359th in Lazarus for Highest Poor Incomes, with 117,402.65 Standard Monetary Units.

Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 64thLargest Information Technology Sector: 135thMost Corrupt Governments: 141stMost Scientifically Advanced: 207thLargest Black Market: 264thMost Secular: 269thHighest Average Incomes: 288thLargest Insurance Industry: 344thLowest Crime Rates: 387thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 411thHighest Economic Output: 483rdLargest Mining Sector: 495thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 511thLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 603rdMost Efficient Economies: 722ndHighest Wealthy Incomes: 775thHighest Disposable Incomes: 812thLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 1,281stLargest Retail Industry: 1,311thMost Subsidized Industry: 1,602ndLargest Cheese Export Sector: 1,646thMost Developed: 1,788thSmartest Citizens: 1,893rdLargest Governments: 2,026thTop
Longest Average Lifespans: 2,733rdLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 2,906thRudest Citizens: 2,986thMost Stationary: 3,227thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 3,726thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 3,914thLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 4,242ndMost Advanced Defense Forces: 4,362ndMost Advanced Public Transport: 4,530thLargest Gambling Industry: 5,839thLargest Soda Pop Sector: 6,118thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 6,124thMost Beautiful Environments: 7,153rdHighest Poor Incomes: 7,189thMost Advanced Public Education: 7,194thLargest Populations: 7,532ndMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 7,820thMost Valuable International Artwork: 8,043rdTop
Most Influential: 11,807th
Largest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2nd in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 5th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 8th in the regionMost Secular: 9th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 10th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 13th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 13th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 16th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 18th in the regionLargest Black Market: 20th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 20th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 21st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 25th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 27th in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 31st in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 36th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 45th in the regionLargest Retail Industry: 50th in the regionMost Stationary: 52nd in the regionLargest Automobile Manufacturing Sector: 62nd in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 71st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 73rd in the regionTop
Most Developed: 82nd in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 96th in the regionLargest Governments: 103rd in the regionRudest Citizens: 120th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 139th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 143rd in the regionLargest Pizza Delivery Sector: 185th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 202nd in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 218th in the regionLargest Populations: 229th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 254th in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 280th in the regionMost Influential: 287th in the regionLargest Soda Pop Sector: 299th in the regionMost Advanced Public Transport: 302nd in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 306th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 308th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 349th in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 359th in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 365th in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 373rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, credit scores fluctuate wildly with every change of government.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Avalnier.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, Bobo The Omniscient Chaos Overlord's iHouse is so intelligent that it manages its own social media accounts.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, Avalnierian tourists are banned from many nations due to their tendency to randomly explode.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, citizens are frequently searched for illegal weapons.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job.
  • : Following new legislation in Avalnier, the military is plagued with unethical researchers.
  • : Avalnier was ranked in the Top 1% of the world for Highest Wealthy Incomes.


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