The Watchfires of Balin Lord of Moria is a gargantuan, orderly nation, notable for its parental licensing program, public floggings, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 18.292 billion Balin Lord of Morians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. The average income tax rate is 58.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Balin Lord of Morian economy, worth a remarkable 1,456 trillion $$s a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 79,637 $$s, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

Foreign governments are threatened if they so much as mention the word "election", retirement apartments house giggling grannies who delightedly watch blank TVs all day long, being nicknamed "Orange Face" has done Leader's credibility no favours, and young adults still believe that Death's-head Hawkmoths deliver newborns to expecting parents. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Balin Lord of Moria's national animal is the Death's-head Hawkmoth, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Balin Lord of Moria is ranked 232,665^th in the world and 1^st in Moria for Most Primitive, scoring -112.21 on the Scary Big Number Scale.