The Empire of Bri-Tea-Sh Commonwealth is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Ellie 2 with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, ubiquitous missile silos, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 5.554 billion Bri-Tea-Shes are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Anywhere but Glasgow. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 60.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Bri-Tea-Sh Commonwealthian economy, worth 926 trillion Teas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 166,764 Teas, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,162,140 per year while the poor average 8,296, a ratio of 140 to 1.

Concussed Bloke From Invernessball players cannot remember their lineup position, Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Bri-Tea-Sh Commonwealth as a reminder of their "special relationship", foreign workers are flooding in as Teas flood out, and Ellie 2 shot first. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bri-Tea-Sh Commonwealth's national animal is the Bloke From Inverness, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Protestan-TEA-sm.

Bri-Tea-Sh Commonwealth is ranked 23,380^th in the world and 1,600^th in Lazarus for Most Corrupt Governments, with 89.23 kickbacks per hour.