The Glorious Socialist State of Crimean Communist Union is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The Head Socialist Committee with an iron fist, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, avowedly heterosexual populace, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 6.765 billion Crimean Tatars are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education, Law & Order, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aqmescit. The average income tax rate is 96.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Crimean economy, worth a remarkable 2,309 trillion Crimean Hrynvias a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Retail. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 341,446 Crimean Hrynvias, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

There's an aura of pseudoscience around academia, there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality, the latest guided missile cruiser "Ship-1642" has received precisely zero column inches in the press, and small children pause apologies for their misdeeds to ask what fiscal insolvency actually is. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crimean Communist Union's national animal is the Mediterranean Monk Seal, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is State Atheist.

Crimean Communist Union is ranked 3,550^th in the world and 213^th in Balder for Most Corrupt Governments, with 271.12 kickbacks per hour.