The Republic of Escanaba Land is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Magnus Nepstad with a fair hand, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, compulsory military service, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 22.504 billion Escanaba Landians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The medium-sized, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Public Transport. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Glen Ullen. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 33.7%.

The all-consuming Escanaba Landian economy, worth a remarkable 2,291 trillion Skillings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 101,815 Skillings, with the richest citizens earning 9.0 times as much as the poorest.

A burger chain recently changed its name to Mack Donaldz for legal reasons, coffee-addicted citizens look forward to baristas getting their name wrong at local coffee shops, the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, and the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Escanaba Land's national animal is the Flying Monkey, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Escanaba Land is ranked 254,334^th in the world and 3^rd in Bully Pulpit for Most Primitive, scoring -165.18 on the Scary Big Number Scale.