The Impending baldness of Ethel mermania is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Fearless Leader with an iron fist, and notable for its feral children, free-roaming dinosaurs, and ritual sacrifices. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 29.855 billion Ethel mermanians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Great White Way. The average income tax rate is 28.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ethel mermanian economy, worth a remarkable 7,789 trillion yids a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Tourism, Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 260,915 yids, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Sea side cafes are required by law to close during summer, movie references are legally admissible in court, government ministers claim to ride dragons to work, and dancing with your first cousin is a misdemeanor. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ethel mermania's national animal is the ethel merman, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the cult of fearless leaderism.

Ethel mermania is ranked 40,228^th in the world and 2^nd in Snazzy for Most Primitive, scoring 62.4 on the Scary Big Number Scale.