The Kingdom of Heldenberg is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by King Siegfried von Lohengramm with an even hand, and renowned for its smutty television, unlimited-speed roads, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, devout population of 11.516 billion Heldenbergers have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Himmelsdorf. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 46.7%.

The thriving Heldenberger economy, worth a remarkable 1,028 trillion Reichsmarks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Tourism. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 89,343 Reichsmarks, with the richest citizens earning 5.9 times as much as the poorest.

Shivering secretaries type letters under torrential downpours in open-roof offices, voting is voluntary, Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation, and hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Heldenberg's national animal is the panther, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Wotanism.

Heldenberg is ranked 247,681^st in the world and 24^th in The Reich for Most Primitive, scoring -145.59 on the Scary Big Number Scale.