The Protectorate of Pumpty Dumpty is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, frequent executions, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 8.027 billion Weeping Farmers are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Third Best Capital. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 16.4%.

The powerhouse Weeping Farmer economy, worth 407 trillion stock crashes a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 50,708 stock crashes, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 292,575 per year while the poor average 4,200, a ratio of 69.7 to 1.

Unused plastic recycling bins are being dumped into landfills by the tonne, carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population, women wear burqas to avoid unwanted male attention, and golden statues of MV hunters line the memorial avenues of the Funerary District. Crime is a serious problem, possibly because it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many regulations. Pumpty Dumpty's national animal is the MV hunter, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Pumpty Dumpty is ranked 92,882^nd in the world and 6^th in The Cardtel for Most Primitive, scoring 8.76 on the Scary Big Number Scale.