The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 28 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Noah with an even hand, and notable for its closed borders, infamous sell-swords, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, democratic, humorless, devout population of 6.83 billion Second Best Puppet 28ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 91.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 28ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,370 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 200,672 cards, with the richest citizens earning 9.1 times as much as the poorest.

Vital intelligence-gathering activities are put on hold as agents return home for seduction training and advanced poker instruction, "Noah got your tongue?" has become a popular idiom, historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism, and the hardest thing for a mining operation to dig through is government red tape. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 28's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 28 is ranked 259,396^th in the world and 2,007^th in Two for Most Primitive, scoring -186.39 on the Scary Big Number Scale.