The Respubliko of Shvania is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by sĉ Ĥûan-Ĥosê Velaskes-Garsîa with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, avowedly heterosexual populace, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.629 billion Ŝvânia-goj are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sŭânia. The average income tax rate is 49.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Ŝvânia-ga economy, worth 999 trillion Ŝvânia dolaroes a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Soda Sales, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 150,831 Ŝvânia dolaroes, with the richest citizens earning 5.3 times as much as the poorest.

Travellers are often forcibly evicted by torch-bearing mobs, the latest guided missile cruiser "Ship-1642" has received precisely zero column inches in the press, recreational drug businesses are regularly pruned if they grow above the maximum legal size, and escaped birthday balloons are torpedoed out of the sky. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Shvania's national animal is the cigno, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is rajtismo.

Shvania is ranked 289,446^th in the world and 11,075^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 33.19 law-abiding acts per hour.