The Jingoistic States of Ump344 is a massive, orderly nation, remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, parental licensing program, and disturbing lack of elderly people. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.718 billion Ump344ians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Defense. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Ump344ian economy, worth 905 trillion Platinums a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Furniture Restoration, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 191,962 Platinums, with the richest citizens earning 6.5 times as much as the poorest.

The studies of art and philosophy are banned, fixing attendance at women's matches is a matter of "when they go low, we go high... funding", defense lawyers suggestively note to juries how flagrantly happy victims were, and Ump344 Barrier Island residents anxiously await their 'Bridge to Somewhere'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ump344's national animal is the Black Widow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Ump344 is ranked 278,357^th in the world and 10,572^nd in Lazarus for Most Beautiful Environments, with 6.51 pounds of wildlife per square mile.