The Kingdom of Barnstorf is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by King Jason Alexander III with an even hand, and renowned for its unlimited-speed roads, ubiquitous missile silos, and pith helmet sales. The quiet, industrious population of 1.078 billion Barnstorfians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Vicratria. The average income tax rate is 66.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Barnstorfian economy, worth 85.9 trillion Barnstorfian Marks a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Woodchip Exports, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 79,715 Barnstorfian Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas, the newest shade developed by Barnstorf's dye industry has been dubbed 'Agent Orange', TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews, and a rolling news ticker tape of disclaimers runs across the bottom of the screen on all TV shows. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Barnstorf's national animal is the Griffon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Moderate Violetism.

Barnstorf is ranked 220,596^th in the world and 1,291^st in Europe for Safest, scoring 29.4 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.