by Max Barry

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The Armed Republic of Celtician

“Dílis go Bás” Donn

Category: Psychotic Dictatorship
Civil Rights:
Unheard Of
Economy:
Frightening
Political Freedoms:
Outlawed

Regional Influence: Shoeshiner

Location: Lazarus

OverviewPoliciesPeopleGovernmentEconomyRankTrendCards

Celtician

Population20.283 billion

CapitalTech Duinn
LeaderDonn
FaithThe Order of Donn

CurrencyOricalcum
AnimalWolf

The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, sprawling nuclear power plants, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.283 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Industry, and Environment also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 16,164 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 796,945 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

No true communist is an unbeliever, the government has become increasingly militant, Celtician recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, and babysitters are a thing of the past. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 70,045th in the world and 2,397th in Lazarus for Largest Soda Pop Sector, scoring 1,734.84 on the Addison-Fukk Productivity Rating.

Top
1%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 8thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 20thLowest Crime Rates: 21stLargest Black Market: 21stLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 28thMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 31stHighest Average Incomes: 37thLargest Governments: 38thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 44thMost Corrupt Governments: 44thMost Subsidized Industry: 45thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 46thHighest Average Tax Rates: 49thHighest Poor Incomes: 53rdMost Advanced Public Education: 55thHighest Economic Output: 128thLargest Information Technology Sector: 131stMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 154thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 242ndSmartest Citizens: 254thMost Efficient Economies: 385thMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 483rdLargest Publishing Industry: 543rdLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 820thMost Devout: 1,036thLargest Mining Sector: 1,053rdHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1,259thMost Beautiful Environments: 1,269thMost Cultured: 1,380thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 2,096thTop
5%
Largest Welfare Programs: 2,372ndMost Scientifically Advanced: 2,445thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 2,750thLargest Cheese Export Sector: 2,806thMost Valuable International Artwork: 3,365thMost Authoritarian: 5,729thMost Stationary: 5,931stHealthiest Citizens: 6,309thLargest Populations: 6,355thLargest Agricultural Sector: 8,753rdTop
10%
Most Influential: 11,722ndMost Developed: 12,352ndMost Conservative: 12,580thMost Extreme: 20,204th
Top
1%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 1st in the regionLargest Governments: 1st in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 2nd in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 2nd in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 2nd in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 2nd in the regionLargest Black Market: 2nd in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 3rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 3rd in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 3rd in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 4th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 4th in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 4th in the regionMost Eco-Friendly Governments: 5th in the regionSmartest Citizens: 6th in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 7th in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 12th in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 13th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 16th in the regionLargest Publishing Industry: 24th in the regionLargest Trout Fishing Sector: 38th in the regionMost Devout: 53rd in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 55th in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 61st in the regionMost Cultured: 65th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 77th in the regionTop
5%
Most Stationary: 98th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 99th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 107th in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 117th in the regionLargest Welfare Programs: 119th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 151st in the regionMost Authoritarian: 157th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 160th in the regionLargest Populations: 184th in the regionMost Influential: 272nd in the regionMost Extreme: 316th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 352nd in the regionTop
10%
Largest Agricultural Sector: 433rd in the regionMost Conservative: 534th in the regionMost Developed: 709th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 783rd in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, babysitters are a thing of the past.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, Celtician recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, the government has become increasingly militant.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, no true communist is an unbeliever.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, children have taken to using semaphore in light of the recent mobile phone ban.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, tech-mad citizens think that the laser-powered bread-slicer uPhone App is the coolest thing since sliced bread.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, the nation frequently scolds its subject territories for staying up past bedtime.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, the nationalised Arms Manufacturing Industry is not interested in making weapons.
  • : Following new legislation in Celtician, frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security.

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