The Armed Republic of Celtician is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Donn with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, avant-garde cinema, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 28.139 billion Celts are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tech Duinn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Celticianian economy, worth an astonishing 25,046 trillion Oricalcums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 890,116 Oricalcums, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Citizens are deployed to barren deserts to protect small territorial claims, trains and passengers alike are often late, the stratosphere is full of "silent but deadly" attacks from Donn's rear echelons, and decreased demand for toilets is saving the prison service a lot of money. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Celtician's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Order of Donn.

Celtician is ranked 291,576^th in the world and 11,436^th in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 2.04 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.