The Tsardom of Old Tanokiana is a colossal, socially progressive nation, ruled by Tsar Kristan I with an iron fist, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, national health service, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 8.5 billion Tanokians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mets Aznavour. The average income tax rate is 68.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Tanokian economy, worth a remarkable 1,021 trillion veltsens a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 120,201 veltsens, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Shirts-versus-skins games are now skins-versus-skins games, people stand their fridges back-to-front to benefit from the free heating, the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines, and the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Old Tanokiana's national animal is the Blacktip Hawk, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Eastern Orthodox Christianity.

Old Tanokiana is ranked 272,856^th in the world and 10,060^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -261.64 on the Scary Big Number Scale.