The United Provinces of Rio de la Plata is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Hernán Blanco with an iron fist, and notable for its strictly enforced bedtime, compulsory military service, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 14.942 billion rioplatenses are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Trinidad. The average income tax rate is 91.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient rioplatense economy, worth a remarkable 1,212 trillion pesos a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Woodchip Exports industry, with significant contributions from Trout Farming and Basket Weaving. Average income is 81,142 pesos, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The tenet of free speech is held dear, the government has pinkie-promised never to use its veto power except in an emergency, Roman Catholic has been named as Rio de la Plata's national religion, and Hernán Blanco has just been declared ruler of Rio de la Plata in an international press conference. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Rio de la Plata's national animal is the hornero, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Roman Catholic.

Rio de la Plata is ranked 107,423^rd in the world and 18^th in Intercontinental for Most Primitive, scoring -23.99 on the Scary Big Number Scale.