The Free Democratic Democracy of Ear Exploder 9000 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Imperator Joe Average XVIII with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, compulsory military service, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 5.766 billion Earexplodians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, although Industry is also considered important, while Spirituality and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cacophonia. The average income tax rate is 91.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Earexplodian economy, worth a remarkable 1,509 trillion Decibels a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 261,830 Decibels, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia, not showing enough enthusiasm for mutual assured destruction is a court-martial offence, conscripts often volunteer for a second tour of duty so they can get a ticket to next year's Army Revue, and high-tech infantry rifles automatically reload when the soldier shoots outside the screen of their helmet HUD. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ear Exploder 9000's national animal is the Joeaveragian Pike, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Joeism.

Ear Exploder 9000 is ranked 45,906^th in the world and 346^th in 10000 Islands for Lowest Crime Rates, with 75.46 law-abiding acts per hour.