The Ascendancy of Porta Caeli is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Jan I e Caeli with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, compulsory military service, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 3.275 billion Caelestians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ultimaportus. The average income tax rate is 81.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Caelestic economy, worth 437 trillion Credites a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Basket Weaving. Average income is an impressive 133,442 Credites, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Every workday begins with group therapy, unpopular scientists are shunned by name, talking during class is a gateway to lifelong drug addiction, and homeowners on prime real estate have been seen dodging giant bulldozers with cartoon characters painted on them. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Porta Caeli's national animal is the Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Ascendism.

Porta Caeli is ranked 260,912^th in the world and 3,629^th in the West Pacific for Nicest Citizens, with 0.82 average smiles per day.