The Constitutional Monarchy of Clocriestes is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Gabe Caldiri with an iron fist, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, public floggings, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 2.544 billion Clocriestesians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Abbotsford. The average income tax rate is 72.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Clocriestesian economy, worth 344 trillion dollars a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Soda Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 135,557 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.4 times as much as the poorest.

Government employees from Clocriestes dominate international lumberjack competitions, astronomers are flocking to Clocriestes to take advantage of its clear night skies, a crystal a day keeps the establishment away, and more than one company makes the board game Monopoly. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Clocriestes's national animal is the Moose, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is THE KARTEL SMNN RELIGION.

Clocriestes is ranked 271,378^th in the world and 4,737^th in The North Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -5.66 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.